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People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can be intensely caring, warm, smart, and funny—but their behavior often drives away those closest to them. If you're struggling in a tumultuous relationship with someone with BPD, this is the book for you. Dr. Shari Manning helps you understand why your spouse, family member, or friend has such out-of-control emotions—and how to change the way you can respond. Learn to use simple yet powerful strategies that can defuse crises, establish better boundaries, and radically transform your relationship. Empathic, hopeful, and science based, this is the first book for family and friends grounded in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), the most effective treatment for BPD.
- Sales Rank: #7909 in Books
- Published on: 2011-06-29
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x 4.50" w x .75" l, .75 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 253 pages
Review
"More than many other disorders, BPD affects relationships. This book offers families and friends invaluable skills for helping both their loved one and themselves. Dr. Manning has done a beautiful job. A 'must read.'"--Perry D. Hoffman, PhD, President, National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder
"Try out the recommendations this book gives you. You will be surprised by how much better your relationships become."--from the Foreword by Marsha M. Linehan, PhD, Director, Behavioral Research and Training Clinics, University of Washington
"The title says it all! Dr. Manning explains what she has learned about the true nature of BPD from the experts themselves--those who have the disorder. She shows family and friends how our instinctive responses to the crises associated with BPD are frequently ineffective or even harmful, and illuminates what we can do differently, providing practical, incisive, step-by-step guidance. We highly recommend this book."--Jim and Diane Hall, parents of an adult child with BPD and Family Educators for the National Alliance on Mental Illness and the National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder
"An extremely useful and highly readable guide....Manning paints vivid portraits of how an encounter with someone with this affliction might go....It has offered me, as a therapist, plenty of ideas....[An] aid to understanding and humanizing a complex condition." (Human Givens 2011-07-01)
"This hopeful yet realistic book is an indispensable tool for managing relationships with persons who have borderline personality disorder. Research based, clearly written, and practical, this guide to a complex disorder is highly recommended." (Library Journal 2011-07-01)
“Manning's own background equips her well to provide this self-help resource. Manning trained in DBT under Marsha Linehan and has accumulated a wealth of experience working clinically with people with BPD. She makes frequent reference to DBT throughout the book, but her major achievement is to translate DBT principles and methods into practical steps and advice that are accessible to a lay person….The techniques of mindfulness, awareness of emotional triggers, validation and others can be usefully integrated into many areas of clinical practice, especially for clinicians advising supporters of people with BPD….A clearly written and accessible guide that deserves to be widely read, and which should be available to lay members of the public and to health professionals.” (Metapsychology Online Reviews 2013-10-22)
About the Author
Shari Y. Manning, PhD, is a clinician in private practice and the former President/CEO of Behavioral Tech and Behavioral Tech Research, the organizations founded by Marsha M. Linehan to provide training in DBT. Dr. Manning has focused on the treatment of people with BPD since 1993. She lives in Columbia, South Carolina.
Most helpful customer reviews
106 of 110 people found the following review helpful.
Good advice ... hard to do.
By T. Brown
If you are a trained therapist, the basic tactic in this book may work easier for you. It takes a lot of practice and patience to use the tools and advice given. The gist I get from it is to take the emotion from your response to the BPD out of the equation and also offer your understanding in a confirming statement. They give a few examples of the types of thing's they mean, and what is and isn't a confirming statement. This does help keep interactions and communication's from escalating to high intensity, in many cases, but it is very hard to do when the boyfriend I love is either emotionally very high or very low and he is trying to get an emotional response from me. I have been able to use this advice over the last 3 months and it has helped. We've been able to have less heated fights and get to more understanding of each other, I feel. The more calm and stable I remain, the more he remains so too ... but I have to contain myself first and always. I have to rethink and reword most of the immediate thing's I'd like to say to him, which helps him from not going off the deep end, but I feel he does not get the seriousness of the situation at times. Also giving a confirming statement as to validating him, I feel as an addict that he is, makes it seem that I am condoning his actions or words, so he continues to do destructive behaviors. Maybe I'm not doing it quiet right or I'm expecting to much.
Over all the book is helpful, and there are no quick solutions ... it's all work, hard work when loving a BPD.
78 of 81 people found the following review helpful.
Eye-Opening
By Destiny
Ok, so I have only read 1/3 of this book so far, and I will come back and write another review after finishing, but if you love someone who has BPD then you definitely need to read this. My husband has been incorrectly diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, adhd, severe depression, etc. However the 20+ pills he takes everyday have never seemed to help or they just comatose him. We have been together ten exhausting years, with many moments of extreme behavior and many moments of the wonderful person he can be. I have often thought that not only was he crazy, but also mean, manipulative, and a free loader b/c he has never been able to hold down a stable job. I've often accused him of wanting to be with me so I could take care of him financially. After reading the short amount of this book that I have, so many things make perfect sense. It has been very eye opening and is a must read for anyone who has a loved one with borderline personality disorder. At the very least it will help you to realize your loved one does love you but has not developed the necessary skills to be a functioning member of society (to various degrees). It will also allow you to change your reaction to their actions, which can help them change. This book is already such a blessing to me, and I am so thankful that Dr. Manning has taken the time to educate those of us who just happen to love someone with this disorder.
50 of 51 people found the following review helpful.
Very Helpful
By Lance T.
I have also read "Stop Walking On Eggshells". I like the approach of this book much better. Eggshells seems confrontational, but the approach of this book is trying to foster an understanding and helping the person you love.
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